I think we all could agree: sometimes your friends come up with the most inventive ways to explain a situation. These Pep Talks only become keener with the addition of alcohol. The lovely Lauren Dz was in town this weekend from Tallahassee. Lauren luckily comes as part of a two-some: her sister Rachel is just as witty and a blast to hang out with. It was Rachel’s birthday, and since Lauren and I like to spend the Saturdays that she’s in town at the more-bang-for-your-buck establishment Big Belly Brewery on Church Street for Power Hour, it seemed like a win-win. Who doesn’t like 3-4-1’s?
Little did we know that Chillers offered 3-4-1’s until 10:30p, which is when Power Hour starts at Big Belly. I can’t get over how much the bar at Chillers smells like a used diaper. If I could, I’d hand a gold medal to each and every bartender that works there for their enduring efforts. But I don’t, so I opt to hand an extra dollar to my bartender when she brings me the round I’m splitting with Lauren and Rachel. I also couldn’t get over what a sausage fest it seemed to be. We felt badly for the guys, but in our favor the majority of the crowd looked good enough for us to at least entertain the thought of hooking up with some of them.
Scanning the pack, we comment on who we find appealing. “That guy is not your type,” Lauren says when I ask about a fellow propped against the opposite end of the bar from us. Rachel concurs on the basis that he’s not bad-ass enough for me. “You like guys that have facial hair and look like they’d beat the shit out of a guy for ordering anything but Gentleman Jack.” I nod. I do tend to go for colored folk (a.k.a boys with tattoos), and attitude problems. “Hey, if they look like might have just been released from the Pen and won’t call after we sleep together, that pretty much puts him in the Keeper category for me!”
I do find one guy who is standing remarkably close to me to be somewhat of a fox. We’re about 3 inches apart, though there is no need for it, and he has his back only slightly turned to me so he can get a good view of the basketball that is on the TV above. He’s with a disproportionate group of guys to girls, so my chances of talking to him are very good. “If its not the Pistons, I don’t care,” Lauren says while I make glances at the TV, the guy, and back to the TV. He’s wearing a long-sleeve shirt, so I can’t see if he’s sporting ink. He looks clean-cut but his build hints at fisticuffs. He looks like a cross between John Cena and a young Brett Favre.
We hear one of the three girls amongst the John Favre group get a birthday shout out, and me being the person who always likes to make situations uncomfortable for others, I get the bright idea to run up to the DJ booth. Obviously, the 2 rounds the girls and I have split by now are kicking in. I’m beaming with delight as I make my way back from upstairs. Oh, sneaky-sneaky… (Not really.)
After numerous attempts to get the cahones to “bump” into him or strike up a conversation about the basketball, I see him chatting with Birthday Girl. I’m reading far too deeply into the body language, and I express my dismay as I interpret that they are getting familiar. Cue the Pep Talk. Rachel kicks things into gear with the standard opener, “You are so much prettier than her!” Lauren, with her unabashed sarcasm, sums up the girl in four words: “She’s hot in Iowa.” Rachel and I nearly spit out our drinks and wait with bated breath for Lauren to elaborate. “I mean, look at her. She’s wearing a jacket that I wore in 8th grade for Christ’s sake! She has Midwest written all over her!” I’m feeling my confidence growing with each and every word and sip from my vodka and tonic. “Besides, they totally are having a conversation about being exes and how it’s not going to be weird for them to hang out with the same group of people at the same bar.”
The MC booms over the Top 40 bar music. “We’ve got another birthday shout out! This one goes out to Lauren, from her two bad ass friends! GIVE IT UP FOR LAUREN!”
I’m excited as the bar erupts with cheers and woos. I have the same look on my face as George Dubya when he heard Saddam was caught. Lauren and Rachel look at me, choking back their laughter. “Heather, did you pregame before we came out,” Rachel giggles. “Seriously, dude, what drugs are you on?!” Realizing what I had done, I scramble for a witty way to twist the situation. “I just got so excited that we were all together! I drew a blank from all of the endorphins!” I didn’t have to wait long before the MC came over and corrected the situation for me. “Free shots for the birthday girl! Which one is it?” Rachel reaches for a shot and explains, “Its mine, but my name is Rachel.”
As my Pep Talk falls flat on its face, the MC pauses with a look of confusion so Lauren can finish up with, “Our friend here told the DJ the wrong name.” I’m turning about at red as the cranberry and vodka in Lauren’s hand and I’m trying to laugh off the situation. Assessing the situation in his head, he then says into the microphone, “Since your friend is a bit of a flake, here’s what we’re gonna do!” He hands me a shot in a test tube, and while still on the mic he instructs me to nestle it down into my cleavage. “Lower. Lower. A little lower. OK! Now Rachel! GO GET THAT SHOT!”
Before I can wipe the look of remorse for not only what I did but also what was about to happen, out of the corner of my eye I see John Favre watch with light amusement as Rachel takes a shot from my cleavage. Lauren snaps a photo, catching my penitence. We head up to Big Belly Brewery, where every round washes down my embarrassment.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Karma
I’m a firm believer in karma. Unfortunately, it always seems to bite you in the ass at the bar. Last night was no exception.
I made it out to BBQ Bar and its crowd of Indie Rock Boys and the Top 40 Girls who love them. It’s also the only place I've been to where you can hear Black Eyed Peas mashed with Rage Against the Machine... And it actually sounds good. Every now and then I feel the need to dance to some mainstream pop. Rather than go to a classy establishment like Tabu and risk getting some tool looking like he’s screwing me from behind on the dance floor, I’ll go where you never know if you’re going to skank to ‘Bro Hymn’ or get low to it.
Although I love the Ke$ha diluted enough for me to enjoy, the real reason we’re here (like many other people) is for the $2 Narragansett tallboys that Ricky Diamond will be double-fisting all night. I'll stick to my gin and tonics, only to be called out by the lone and hapless Jersey Shore lookalike that obviously wound up here as a cruel and tasteless joke. At some point in the night he must have asked the wrong person, “Where's a good bar around here?” Instantly I ask if he's from out of town and he plays it off with the line, “Oh I live here, I…um…Just don't get out too often.” I try to shake him with talk of getting back to my boyfriend on the dance floor. Hopefully he doesn't follow me because my ‘boyfriend’ is wearing a fuschia and turquoise Addidas track jacket, and a turquoise visor with matching faux alligator shoes all the while contorting his torso to a remix of MGMT. Dead give away? Yes, but this Jersey Shore kid looks like he needs to be let down softly. He had such hope in his eyes, and such eagerness in the hand that he place on the small of my back before I deftly stepped to the side 1.3 seconds later.
Perhaps I should have been a little more friendly towards Jersey Shore. Much like Independent Bar is to my gay friends on a Friday night, BBQ Bar is to my previous hookups on a Saturday night: all stored neatly in one location where I'm sure to find them passing by the dance floor. Great for if I'm looking for someone to chat with while looking for my friend that went AWOL, and awkward for the same reasons. Exit Ricky, enter Previous Hookup. We’ve all used the same awkward lines: “Yeah, thought that was you.” “Recognized the tattoo.” Last night’s was, “So how was the tour?” We were having the We-Haven’t-Spoken-In-2-Months conversation where we stood in the same place where we confessed we had mutual attraction a few months prior. And though I’m playing it off well and it went smoothly, I found myself furiously scanning the crowd for Ricky as I heard Previous Hookup say the he was going back to the front bar to meet up with his bandmate.
I end up finding Ricky chatting it up with a friend and we finish off the night dancing while I let my buzz wear off. I tally up the nights wins and losses to see if I at least broke even, and as I leaned against the DJ booth I looked down to see some wasted guy in his Express button down bent over in front of me, fist-pumping with fervor to 2 Live Crew and his rear end sloppily knocking me in the crotch with the bass line. Ricky Diamond looked over at me, two tallboys in hand, and said in for-the-win style, “Look! It’s your chance to f*ck a guy in the ass!”
I made it out to BBQ Bar and its crowd of Indie Rock Boys and the Top 40 Girls who love them. It’s also the only place I've been to where you can hear Black Eyed Peas mashed with Rage Against the Machine... And it actually sounds good. Every now and then I feel the need to dance to some mainstream pop. Rather than go to a classy establishment like Tabu and risk getting some tool looking like he’s screwing me from behind on the dance floor, I’ll go where you never know if you’re going to skank to ‘Bro Hymn’ or get low to it.
Although I love the Ke$ha diluted enough for me to enjoy, the real reason we’re here (like many other people) is for the $2 Narragansett tallboys that Ricky Diamond will be double-fisting all night. I'll stick to my gin and tonics, only to be called out by the lone and hapless Jersey Shore lookalike that obviously wound up here as a cruel and tasteless joke. At some point in the night he must have asked the wrong person, “Where's a good bar around here?” Instantly I ask if he's from out of town and he plays it off with the line, “Oh I live here, I…um…Just don't get out too often.” I try to shake him with talk of getting back to my boyfriend on the dance floor. Hopefully he doesn't follow me because my ‘boyfriend’ is wearing a fuschia and turquoise Addidas track jacket, and a turquoise visor with matching faux alligator shoes all the while contorting his torso to a remix of MGMT. Dead give away? Yes, but this Jersey Shore kid looks like he needs to be let down softly. He had such hope in his eyes, and such eagerness in the hand that he place on the small of my back before I deftly stepped to the side 1.3 seconds later.
Perhaps I should have been a little more friendly towards Jersey Shore. Much like Independent Bar is to my gay friends on a Friday night, BBQ Bar is to my previous hookups on a Saturday night: all stored neatly in one location where I'm sure to find them passing by the dance floor. Great for if I'm looking for someone to chat with while looking for my friend that went AWOL, and awkward for the same reasons. Exit Ricky, enter Previous Hookup. We’ve all used the same awkward lines: “Yeah, thought that was you.” “Recognized the tattoo.” Last night’s was, “So how was the tour?” We were having the We-Haven’t-Spoken-In-2-Months conversation where we stood in the same place where we confessed we had mutual attraction a few months prior. And though I’m playing it off well and it went smoothly, I found myself furiously scanning the crowd for Ricky as I heard Previous Hookup say the he was going back to the front bar to meet up with his bandmate.
I end up finding Ricky chatting it up with a friend and we finish off the night dancing while I let my buzz wear off. I tally up the nights wins and losses to see if I at least broke even, and as I leaned against the DJ booth I looked down to see some wasted guy in his Express button down bent over in front of me, fist-pumping with fervor to 2 Live Crew and his rear end sloppily knocking me in the crotch with the bass line. Ricky Diamond looked over at me, two tallboys in hand, and said in for-the-win style, “Look! It’s your chance to f*ck a guy in the ass!”
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Fresh Ink
In college, I took German as a way to reconnect with my mom. I always knew bits and pieces since her side of the family is from Germany. She even spent the better part of her childhood growing up there. She still speaks it fairly well, and once you start speaking it with her she picks it up and runs with it. A few months ago, I asked my mom to write ‘Ich Liebe Dich’ a few times on a piece of paper and send it to me in the mail. It’s something she always says to me before she hangs up the phone. 
I’m one of those people who believe that ink should be personal and should always have a story behind it. And no, not to sound pretentious or anything, the story shouldn’t start with, “Well, me and my friends were in Panama City for Spring Break…” Mom once asked me why I didn’t get a Tinkerbell instead of the ‘Tinkerbell’ I have written on my skin. It’s because it’s not about character Tinkerbell, but rather something that Nana has called me ever since I was a little girl. I proceeded to explain to my mom that butterflies and ‘faeries’ and initials are all things that will never find a permanent home on my body. 
The first tattoo I ever got was the ‘Tinkerbell’ that sits below my hip bone. I had it placed there because I was 20 at the time and I didn’t want the parents to see it. It was sketched out by hand after the artist got a feel for my personality after a few minutes of chatter. It’s not exactly how I imagined it would be, but I loved it as soon as I saw it and gave him the green light to hike my pants down a few inches and carve a needle through my skin.
My second tattoo was something that I had been thinking about for a few years, as I did the Tinkerbell one. I’m a big believe in karma and the whole ‘do unto others’, so I went with ‘One reaps what one sows’ around my wrist (you reap with your hands, after all). I wasn’t prepared for all of the oh-wow-what-does-that-say’s that I’d get at the bar. And it’s in German, so people tend to grab me and pull my extremities into uncomfortable positions so they can better read it. I love how they just say, “Man,” then pause for a second, and switch to, “Is that in another language or something?” Sometimes if I’ve been drinking Vodka I’ll say, “You know, the closer you get the better it translates.” If I’ve been drinking gin and the person is particularly douchey I’ll say, “Even if I told you what it says, you still wouldn’t understand.” My ex Eric particularly loved the reaction of one person when I said that. My favorite question hands-down has to be, “Did that hurt?” It felt like I placed my wrist in front of a chainsaw, personally, but if I’m in a particularly fiery mood I’ll tell you that I orgasmed as soon as the ink hit my flesh.
The guy that branded me was a sketchy fellow at your stereotypical strip mall ink shop, since my first artist went AWOL. He wasn’t very personable, and I think he might have been on meth. Quite possibly not the best person to do the job, but I was feeling compulsive. Plus, there was a great little pizzeria that had the only garlic knots in Orlando that taste like the ones from a little pizza joint in New Smyrna Beach that I love. Eric and I stopped in there afterwards for a slice and conversation with the people that ran it.
Daniel Coverstone, however, is my artist of choice from now on. Introduced to me through a college friend of mine, I’ve let him imprint my mom’s handwriting behind my ear. Dan’s studio is at his place, and is far nicer than 95% of the shops I’ve ever walked into. He told me stories about the people he’s learned from, how he would change the industry, and why he likes his home studio better than any shop. He was meticulous with the project- something that the last artist wasn’t and I regret it now. Dan will be commissioned to fix my wrist, actually. The whole project took a good hour and a half between sizing the writing sample and placing it, with the actual tattoo being done in about 15 minutes.
No, it didn’t hurt. And you know what? It’s exactly how I always wanted it.
My Roommate Extraordinaire
Today is one of those great Saturdays that doesn’t come around too often. Not only do I have the day to just relax and recover from my slumber party with my favorite Orlando partner-in-crime Paul (a.k.a Ricky Diamond), but here I am taking a wild fling at writing and updating the blog. The windows are open, its drizzling outside, and the breeze feels great floating around in here. I’ve got Pretty in Pink on in the background. Simply. Awesome.
If you’ve been keeping up with the blog in the last few months, you will recognize my roommate Christopher Berrios. Not gonna lie, we have a pretty swanky set-up here in the apartment. When I first moved in, we joked it was meant to be since I had all of the furniture that he needed. I thought it was swell that I didn’t have to put anything into storage or have my dad come pick it up. Chris had just graduated with his degree from the University of Central Florida in December, and he had to get all of his artwork out of the studio on campus.
Needless to say I was utterly shocked when I came home. I felt as if I had stepped into an earth-toned Tim Burton-inspired gallery. See below.
Isn’t he grand? It must be meant to be… The furniture matches perfectly.
To contact Christopher Berrios or to see more of his work, please click on the link under People I Support or shoot him an email at CMBerrios@yahoo.com.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
formspring.me
What was the worst place you've traveled to?
Worst place I ever traveled to was Waco, North Carolina to visit family.
Food + Friends
The holidays are a special time for me. It typically means coming home, uncomfortably running into classmates that were sucked into the vortex that is New Smyrna Beach with no hope of ever leaving, and eating enough Bagel World to pack on 5 pounds every morning that I’m there. After enough arguments with my mom and stories of how much fun my friends are having back in Orlando, I’m usually out of there well before I’m due back to the cozy confines of my own apartment.
Lately, however, things have been different. Thanks to the miraculous thing known as Facebook, I’ve been able to reconnect with pretty much all of my friends that I’ve grown up with that are still worth talking to. This Thanksgiving I made it a point to make dates with my two good friends Andrea and Kayla. Breakfast was in order, so we unanimously decided on the obvious choice Bagel World.
Bagel World is an NSB institution. I remember classmates sneaking off campus after 3rd period to make their BW run, and hearing their stories of trying to sneak back on to campus while they ate their prize during 4th. I’ve been eating the same combination for the past 8 or so years- bacon horseradish cream cheese on an everything bagel. You should get their before noon or there won’t be any left, and you need to get there before 2p because they’ll be closed.
The other place that we had to hit up was Mon Delice for a pastry and more coffee. Orlando weekenders have known this place for years, and I was definitely one of the high school students who completed the right of passage of serving them subs on their way to the beach and napoleons for their ride home.
After catching up on great memories, flipping through the old photos I brought of us at Homecoming sophomore year, and loading up on coffee and carbs we went for a walk from Flagler Ave down to the jetty and back. After a few hours and a lot of laughs, Kayla suggested we make the trek all the way down to Bethune Beach for one of NSB’s favorite seafood joints- JB’s Fish Camp. Another place known by locals and visitors alike, JB’s is another place where many of your friends worked at. I’m always a little skeptical of the prices there, but the seafood really is quality. The calamari appetizer is well worth the price, since you get a ½ pound of amazing fried deliciousness.
While I was staying in New Smyrna I was introduced to a new place that might have to make it into my usual round of restaurants. My friend Morgan knows the owners for DJ’s Burrito Bar, which has opened up fairly recently over on Flagler Avenue. I’ve only eaten their a few times, but the food is fresh and really great. It definitely has that New Smyrna surf scene vibe, so expect to keep it low-key. Order and pay up at the bar, then grab a seat to the left. I’m still trying to remember every time I go there! Oh, and order your burrito following the columns on the menu. Tony will appreciate that Normally I never stray from Mi Mexico (or as I like to call it New Smyrna Beach Soul Food), but this place is a good alternative to cheesy enchiladas.
Lately, however, things have been different. Thanks to the miraculous thing known as Facebook, I’ve been able to reconnect with pretty much all of my friends that I’ve grown up with that are still worth talking to. This Thanksgiving I made it a point to make dates with my two good friends Andrea and Kayla. Breakfast was in order, so we unanimously decided on the obvious choice Bagel World.
Bagel World is an NSB institution. I remember classmates sneaking off campus after 3rd period to make their BW run, and hearing their stories of trying to sneak back on to campus while they ate their prize during 4th. I’ve been eating the same combination for the past 8 or so years- bacon horseradish cream cheese on an everything bagel. You should get their before noon or there won’t be any left, and you need to get there before 2p because they’ll be closed.
The other place that we had to hit up was Mon Delice for a pastry and more coffee. Orlando weekenders have known this place for years, and I was definitely one of the high school students who completed the right of passage of serving them subs on their way to the beach and napoleons for their ride home.
After catching up on great memories, flipping through the old photos I brought of us at Homecoming sophomore year, and loading up on coffee and carbs we went for a walk from Flagler Ave down to the jetty and back. After a few hours and a lot of laughs, Kayla suggested we make the trek all the way down to Bethune Beach for one of NSB’s favorite seafood joints- JB’s Fish Camp. Another place known by locals and visitors alike, JB’s is another place where many of your friends worked at. I’m always a little skeptical of the prices there, but the seafood really is quality. The calamari appetizer is well worth the price, since you get a ½ pound of amazing fried deliciousness.
While I was staying in New Smyrna I was introduced to a new place that might have to make it into my usual round of restaurants. My friend Morgan knows the owners for DJ’s Burrito Bar, which has opened up fairly recently over on Flagler Avenue. I’ve only eaten their a few times, but the food is fresh and really great. It definitely has that New Smyrna surf scene vibe, so expect to keep it low-key. Order and pay up at the bar, then grab a seat to the left. I’m still trying to remember every time I go there! Oh, and order your burrito following the columns on the menu. Tony will appreciate that Normally I never stray from Mi Mexico (or as I like to call it New Smyrna Beach Soul Food), but this place is a good alternative to cheesy enchiladas.
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